Watercolor and fine-line ink on paper
29.5 x 41.8 cm (11.61 x 16.45 in)
SURRENDER
This artwork is about taking medication to “keep your head above water”. I have been going to psychotherapy for 20 years, and during that time I resisted taking medication for almost 17 years. I had a strong belief that if I took medication it would be a weakness, moreover, I thought it would damage my body, specifically my pancreas. Since my mother died from pancreatic cancer when I was 18, I would rather torture myself than seek help from pharmaceuticals. All of that time I was struggling to stay afloat, mentally. I would have great moments, but most of the time my mind was wrapped in negativity, pessimism, and cynicism.
Then one day in June 2023 I experienced a trauma so severe that my entire life got shattered into pieces. I had to make a choice: I would either start taking antidepressants immediately, or I would drown. This painting is about that moment: right before it became too late – when I had to surrender either my life or my false convictions. It was one or the other. I chose to live.
With art, I cast a light on the shadow parts of ourselves, and our society, in the hope of sparking a desire for introspection, and an authentic search for who we are deep inside. By acknowledging and accepting the pain we all carry as the root cause of all suffering within ourselves, and in others, we can become a greater version of ourselves. Only this way can we bring a new era of harmony within and outside ourselves.